At a fund-raising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"
The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."
Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."
Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact...
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay". Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.
"That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
In God We Trust(ed)
Since the Pledge of Allegiance & The Lords Prayer are not allowed in schools anymore; because the word 'God' is mentioned...a kid in Ohio wrote:
New School Prayer
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule.
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise..
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the State.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible..
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
Written by a 15 yr. Old School Kid in Ohio
New School Prayer
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule.
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise..
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the State.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible..
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's 'inappropriate' to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such 'judgments' do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
Written by a 15 yr. Old School Kid in Ohio
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Chopped in Half
I am home and on the mend. Wow a lot has happened! I feel like I was cut in half! Chris already told you what happened through his eyes, but I thought I would throw in a few more details and tell you what happened through my eyes.
We had some tough decisions to make with this pregnancy. I had already had 2 previous c-sections and I knew in my heart that I couldn't keep having c-sections. With c-sections the recovery time is a lot longer but to complicate matters worse, we found out with my second c-section that I tend to form a lot of adhesion's and scar tissue. Most doctors would tell you that as long as your uterus is thick and strong that you can have as many c-sections as you want, I have heard people have as many as 6 or 8 c-sections. But in my case when they took Will c-section they found an unusual amount of adhesion's and scar tissue. So when we decided to have our 5th child, we had some tough decisions to make. I could opt for a c-section and end up forming further adhesions combined with a lengthy recovery time. Or I could opt for a vaginal birth at home with a midwife. We wanted more children and we felt that in order to have as many children as possible it would be better if I could have a vaginal birth, and if successful I could continue having vaginal births. I knew I was limiting myself if I opted for c-sections. In my case I felt either one was risky. Have major surgery or try for vaginal birth with a scar from 2 previous c-sections? We took our concerns to the Lord and prayed a lot. After much fasting and prayer we felt confident that a home birth was the way to go. As the time drew near we felt more and more confident that I would give birth at home in a birth pool and that it would be the best birth experience yet. I really wanted a vaginal birth and Chris' main concern was me and the baby's health and safety. We got our wish... sort of.
When my water broke without any initial labor pains, I knew that happened it might not work according to plan, but I also knew my midwife would do all in her power to help us. My previous 2 c-sections had started with my water breaking followed by no labor. We tried everything from acupuncture to walking up and down the street to get labor to progress. We tried all day to get things moving. I got as far as 5 cm dilated and it came time to make a decision: either go for a repeat c-section or go to LBJ hospital and ask for a little induction medicine to finish dilating. I was having very real feeling strong contractions and I kept having the feeling that with a little help I could birth this baby vaginally. So we went to LBJ and by that time I was in full labor, my midwife had checked me before leaving and said that I was still a 5 and that my cervix was far back and during labor it moves forward, but it hadn't yet. I had a huge desire to push, so I panted and was in horrible pain the entire ride over to the hospital, unfortunately it was a about 45 minutes away. I prayed and panted the whole way. My body wanted to take over and it was like holding back a tidal wave, I kept praying I would get there without ripping my cervix.
After being admitted, I knew that if I got an epidural that my body would calm down and stop the desire to push. How right I was! I had never had an epidural before and it was truly a lifesaver in my case. As soon as the epidural kicked in I lost the desire to push and was able to rest from the long day I'd had. They checked me and I told me that I was 7 cm, so I had dilated 2 more cm on the way over! They agreed to give me just a touch of pitocin to finish dilating and have my vaginal birth. Soon they woke me up and told me it was now time to birth the baby. I thought, great, I am ready! I could feel the contractions but not much, and so with the next few contractions I pushed 3 times for each contractions and with 4 or 5 contractions he was born! He was facing the wrong way and with the epidural the doctor was able to turn him and help position everything so that I could push him out and he wouldn't get stuck like my first baby had. Our beautiful Charlie had arrived! I had avoided all the problems of the past, he was born facing the right way instead of getting stuck like Peter had, I hadn't needed a c-section like I had with Joe and Will. I had a successful VBAC! I felt so good. I asked them if I had damaged my cervix from all the time I felt the overwhelming desire to push and the doctor told me that everything looked good. I had tore a little and needed a few stitches but other than that everything seemed fine. I felt so good, I had done it! I had a VBAC and now I could birth more children the same way so that we could have a large happy family of 6 or 8 or 10 children. I felt I had seen the hand of the Lord in getting me to the hospital safely and having this miracle birth. I felt confident that next baby could be born even easier now that I had had one VBAC I could go back to the midwife and get better and better with each beautiful birth.
After they finished stitching me up they told Chris that he could order us breakfast. I told Chris what I wanted and as he was busy trying to dial and order, I began to feel funny. I felt waves of exhaustion and figured that the adrenaline from giving birth had worn off and that I must just be really tired from a long day of being in labor. The doctors came in to check me and I began to see that things weren't going so well. The doctor kept pulling out blood clots and said she felt a spot and asked another doctor to check me. At this point they weren't telling me anything I just watching figuring it was all routine and fine. Then I was told that I had ruptured my uterus and I actually said, "you got to be kidin' me!" I had gone through the entire labor process and now they say that I ruptured my uterus! It seemed like a bad dream. I was whisked off to surgery, I asked them if possible to fix the rupture so that I could continue having children. I was the scariest thing to be put on an operating table not knowing the fate of your body and your future when you wake up. The first thing I did when I woke up was ask what happened, I was given a partial hysterectomy, my heart broke.
I woke up from surgery in the worst pain of my life, the anesthesia must have worn off too soon or something because they hadn't administered any pain medicine yet. It was the worst pain of my life, forget about the horrible pain I had felt when I had the desire to push and my cervix was in the way, forget about the pain of previous natural childbirth. I felt like I had been chopped in half and put back together again. They hadn't given me any pain medicine yet! I wanted to cry put it hurt to cry, it was so miserable. The nurse walked off to get the pump going to relieve my pain, when she got back she couldn't get the pump going and had to go find another one. Shortly after they got me a little pain medicine (not enough yet to really diminish the pain), then the doctor who had done the operation showed up and had the nerve to ask me on a scale on 1 to 10, how much pain was I in? I told him 15! He insisted I use him scale from 1 to 10, so I told him a 10, and then he had the nerve to argue with me about it! He told me that 10 is the worst pain of you life and how could I be a 10. I felt like kicking him in the face! Let me chop you in half and then we'll ague about how much pain you're in! Finally after getting my pain under control, I was taken to a room to recover from surgery.
The next morning the doctor came in and said that I was on a clear liquid diet. I was so hungry! Seeing how well I was doing and how eager I was, she mentioned that if I am feeling great then she would change my diet and I could eat normally. OH! I wish I hadn't done that! I ordered breakfast at 10 and was behind schedule because I was still nibbling on breakfast when the nurses informed me that I had better order lunch before it was too late, so I ordered lunch. Then later I was still slowly eating lunch when they said the same about dinner. So I ordered dinner, never quite finishing the previous meal and trying to catch up on eating and get to feeling better so I could get back to normal activities. Bad idea! That night I felt terrible and I can't remember just exactly when I started throwing up, but I threw up a good part of the next day...
Its a bit of a blur but I remember feeling horrible throwing up more than ever in my life and then they whisked me off to perform a "procedure", for which I later found out they wouldn't tell Chris anything about and he was really frustrated and angry about that. The procedure turned out to be X-raying my insides to see why I was throwing up. The tests were inconclusive and all they told me was that my bowels were "asleep" which often happens after major surgery. In order to fix this they put a tube down my nose to my stomach and slowly pumped my stomach over a 3 day period. It was slow and excruciating. I couldn't eat or drink and my mouth was so dry and it hurt to swallow. Then after three days I begged them to take it out. A friend told me to take it really easy on food and start with liquids for a couple days and then really gentle foods. So after the tube came out I eased back into eating and was sent home.
We had some tough decisions to make with this pregnancy. I had already had 2 previous c-sections and I knew in my heart that I couldn't keep having c-sections. With c-sections the recovery time is a lot longer but to complicate matters worse, we found out with my second c-section that I tend to form a lot of adhesion's and scar tissue. Most doctors would tell you that as long as your uterus is thick and strong that you can have as many c-sections as you want, I have heard people have as many as 6 or 8 c-sections. But in my case when they took Will c-section they found an unusual amount of adhesion's and scar tissue. So when we decided to have our 5th child, we had some tough decisions to make. I could opt for a c-section and end up forming further adhesions combined with a lengthy recovery time. Or I could opt for a vaginal birth at home with a midwife. We wanted more children and we felt that in order to have as many children as possible it would be better if I could have a vaginal birth, and if successful I could continue having vaginal births. I knew I was limiting myself if I opted for c-sections. In my case I felt either one was risky. Have major surgery or try for vaginal birth with a scar from 2 previous c-sections? We took our concerns to the Lord and prayed a lot. After much fasting and prayer we felt confident that a home birth was the way to go. As the time drew near we felt more and more confident that I would give birth at home in a birth pool and that it would be the best birth experience yet. I really wanted a vaginal birth and Chris' main concern was me and the baby's health and safety. We got our wish... sort of.
When my water broke without any initial labor pains, I knew that happened it might not work according to plan, but I also knew my midwife would do all in her power to help us. My previous 2 c-sections had started with my water breaking followed by no labor. We tried everything from acupuncture to walking up and down the street to get labor to progress. We tried all day to get things moving. I got as far as 5 cm dilated and it came time to make a decision: either go for a repeat c-section or go to LBJ hospital and ask for a little induction medicine to finish dilating. I was having very real feeling strong contractions and I kept having the feeling that with a little help I could birth this baby vaginally. So we went to LBJ and by that time I was in full labor, my midwife had checked me before leaving and said that I was still a 5 and that my cervix was far back and during labor it moves forward, but it hadn't yet. I had a huge desire to push, so I panted and was in horrible pain the entire ride over to the hospital, unfortunately it was a about 45 minutes away. I prayed and panted the whole way. My body wanted to take over and it was like holding back a tidal wave, I kept praying I would get there without ripping my cervix.
After being admitted, I knew that if I got an epidural that my body would calm down and stop the desire to push. How right I was! I had never had an epidural before and it was truly a lifesaver in my case. As soon as the epidural kicked in I lost the desire to push and was able to rest from the long day I'd had. They checked me and I told me that I was 7 cm, so I had dilated 2 more cm on the way over! They agreed to give me just a touch of pitocin to finish dilating and have my vaginal birth. Soon they woke me up and told me it was now time to birth the baby. I thought, great, I am ready! I could feel the contractions but not much, and so with the next few contractions I pushed 3 times for each contractions and with 4 or 5 contractions he was born! He was facing the wrong way and with the epidural the doctor was able to turn him and help position everything so that I could push him out and he wouldn't get stuck like my first baby had. Our beautiful Charlie had arrived! I had avoided all the problems of the past, he was born facing the right way instead of getting stuck like Peter had, I hadn't needed a c-section like I had with Joe and Will. I had a successful VBAC! I felt so good. I asked them if I had damaged my cervix from all the time I felt the overwhelming desire to push and the doctor told me that everything looked good. I had tore a little and needed a few stitches but other than that everything seemed fine. I felt so good, I had done it! I had a VBAC and now I could birth more children the same way so that we could have a large happy family of 6 or 8 or 10 children. I felt I had seen the hand of the Lord in getting me to the hospital safely and having this miracle birth. I felt confident that next baby could be born even easier now that I had had one VBAC I could go back to the midwife and get better and better with each beautiful birth.
After they finished stitching me up they told Chris that he could order us breakfast. I told Chris what I wanted and as he was busy trying to dial and order, I began to feel funny. I felt waves of exhaustion and figured that the adrenaline from giving birth had worn off and that I must just be really tired from a long day of being in labor. The doctors came in to check me and I began to see that things weren't going so well. The doctor kept pulling out blood clots and said she felt a spot and asked another doctor to check me. At this point they weren't telling me anything I just watching figuring it was all routine and fine. Then I was told that I had ruptured my uterus and I actually said, "you got to be kidin' me!" I had gone through the entire labor process and now they say that I ruptured my uterus! It seemed like a bad dream. I was whisked off to surgery, I asked them if possible to fix the rupture so that I could continue having children. I was the scariest thing to be put on an operating table not knowing the fate of your body and your future when you wake up. The first thing I did when I woke up was ask what happened, I was given a partial hysterectomy, my heart broke.
I woke up from surgery in the worst pain of my life, the anesthesia must have worn off too soon or something because they hadn't administered any pain medicine yet. It was the worst pain of my life, forget about the horrible pain I had felt when I had the desire to push and my cervix was in the way, forget about the pain of previous natural childbirth. I felt like I had been chopped in half and put back together again. They hadn't given me any pain medicine yet! I wanted to cry put it hurt to cry, it was so miserable. The nurse walked off to get the pump going to relieve my pain, when she got back she couldn't get the pump going and had to go find another one. Shortly after they got me a little pain medicine (not enough yet to really diminish the pain), then the doctor who had done the operation showed up and had the nerve to ask me on a scale on 1 to 10, how much pain was I in? I told him 15! He insisted I use him scale from 1 to 10, so I told him a 10, and then he had the nerve to argue with me about it! He told me that 10 is the worst pain of you life and how could I be a 10. I felt like kicking him in the face! Let me chop you in half and then we'll ague about how much pain you're in! Finally after getting my pain under control, I was taken to a room to recover from surgery.
The next morning the doctor came in and said that I was on a clear liquid diet. I was so hungry! Seeing how well I was doing and how eager I was, she mentioned that if I am feeling great then she would change my diet and I could eat normally. OH! I wish I hadn't done that! I ordered breakfast at 10 and was behind schedule because I was still nibbling on breakfast when the nurses informed me that I had better order lunch before it was too late, so I ordered lunch. Then later I was still slowly eating lunch when they said the same about dinner. So I ordered dinner, never quite finishing the previous meal and trying to catch up on eating and get to feeling better so I could get back to normal activities. Bad idea! That night I felt terrible and I can't remember just exactly when I started throwing up, but I threw up a good part of the next day...
Its a bit of a blur but I remember feeling horrible throwing up more than ever in my life and then they whisked me off to perform a "procedure", for which I later found out they wouldn't tell Chris anything about and he was really frustrated and angry about that. The procedure turned out to be X-raying my insides to see why I was throwing up. The tests were inconclusive and all they told me was that my bowels were "asleep" which often happens after major surgery. In order to fix this they put a tube down my nose to my stomach and slowly pumped my stomach over a 3 day period. It was slow and excruciating. I couldn't eat or drink and my mouth was so dry and it hurt to swallow. Then after three days I begged them to take it out. A friend told me to take it really easy on food and start with liquids for a couple days and then really gentle foods. So after the tube came out I eased back into eating and was sent home.
Then 2 or 3 days later I got a fever and Chris took me to the ER and they found that I had a abscess. It turned out to be a fistula, my colon had a small hole, a complication from the hysterectomy surgery. I was admitted to the hospital for nearly another week. I had a 10 day stay at the first hospital and this second time I went to a closer hospital and stayed from Sat. to Fri.
All in all its been quite an ordeal but through it all I have had an overwhelming sense of peace knowing that I did the right thing. I know that I did what God wanted, I can no more deny it than I can deny that I exist. I have never known this level of peace. I always thought I would be devastated if I could no longer have babies because I love motherhood so much, but my God, my Father in Heaven knows me so well. He knows that I get passionate about things...to a fault! I get so passionate that I lose myself. In the hospital I felt like I was being released just like a missionary is released from service, I felt like I was being released from birthing and nursing children. I look at the scriptures differently now. Noah while he built a boat on dry land must have had an incredible amount of peace even as people all around him laughed and mocked him. Noah knew he was doing the Lord's will. I look at Moses and Abraham and all the scriptures stories you hear so often in church and I imagine the peace they had as they faced adversity, peace knowing they were doing the Lord's will. Some people might question, "what's so great about doing the Lord's will when I want my will?" I have learned that doing the Lord's will is a big deal. The purpose of our lives is to be tested and see if we'll follow our Father in Heaven. God our Father knows us better than we know ourselves, some may see it as a power struggle my will pinned against God's will. But if we choose to align our will with God then he can help guide us to peace and happiness. So it doesn't end up being a power struggle at all, God our Father doesn't want us to be his slaves, rather He wants to help us reach our full potential. This whole experience although difficult has helped me see things in a whole new light. I may have lost my ability to bring babies into the world but I haven't lost my ability to bring life, light and happiness into the world, my work is not done, my work has just changed a bit. My Father in Heaven will take my deepest desires and my talents and through prayer He will guide me to reach my full potential. I know God is my Father now more than ever.
All in all its been quite an ordeal but through it all I have had an overwhelming sense of peace knowing that I did the right thing. I know that I did what God wanted, I can no more deny it than I can deny that I exist. I have never known this level of peace. I always thought I would be devastated if I could no longer have babies because I love motherhood so much, but my God, my Father in Heaven knows me so well. He knows that I get passionate about things...to a fault! I get so passionate that I lose myself. In the hospital I felt like I was being released just like a missionary is released from service, I felt like I was being released from birthing and nursing children. I look at the scriptures differently now. Noah while he built a boat on dry land must have had an incredible amount of peace even as people all around him laughed and mocked him. Noah knew he was doing the Lord's will. I look at Moses and Abraham and all the scriptures stories you hear so often in church and I imagine the peace they had as they faced adversity, peace knowing they were doing the Lord's will. Some people might question, "what's so great about doing the Lord's will when I want my will?" I have learned that doing the Lord's will is a big deal. The purpose of our lives is to be tested and see if we'll follow our Father in Heaven. God our Father knows us better than we know ourselves, some may see it as a power struggle my will pinned against God's will. But if we choose to align our will with God then he can help guide us to peace and happiness. So it doesn't end up being a power struggle at all, God our Father doesn't want us to be his slaves, rather He wants to help us reach our full potential. This whole experience although difficult has helped me see things in a whole new light. I may have lost my ability to bring babies into the world but I haven't lost my ability to bring life, light and happiness into the world, my work is not done, my work has just changed a bit. My Father in Heaven will take my deepest desires and my talents and through prayer He will guide me to reach my full potential. I know God is my Father now more than ever.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Our Big Spiritual Adventure
So for any of you who don't know we finally had our newest son and it ended up being quite an adventure. We were attempting a water birth at home and to top it off it was going to be a VBAC (google it). It was risky, but Jen and I had done extensive praying and fasting to know this was the right decision for us. So on the Tuesday night before he was born Jen's water broke. We were very worried about this because the last two times it happened meant Jen had a C-section, but we proceeded with faith. I (Chris) had a song constantly going through my head once I had administered to Jen:
Be Still My Soul
The Lord is on Thy Side
With Patience bear thy cross of grief and pain
Leave to your God to Order and Provide
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain
Be still my soul: Thy best, thy Heavnly friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end
This was kind of unusual because I didn't really know the words to the song because I had only sung it a few times, but I recognized the tune and the first few words, but it just kept replaying in my mind. I also had a vision from the church video Zion's camp where the members of Zion's Camp just heard that the Missouri mob was going to cross the river soon and slaughter the whole group. All of people in Zion's Camp were ready to fight, but then the prophet turns around and sees clouds suddenly gathering on the horizon and he declares something like, "Be still and see the hand of the Lord." For those of you who know a huge storm suddenly appears causing the river to flood and protecting the members of Zion's Camp from the oncoming mob. So I had this last part going through my head which made me feel two things: be patient (they only saw the storm at the last moment) and we would "see the hand of the Lord" in all of this.
So after the blessing we contacted the midwife to inform her what might be happening. When Cathy arrived she told us she had suddenly woke up that night (about 1 am) thinking about Jen and had been praying about her when we called her. She had also been reading in the scriptures and shared with us the impression she had about the birth. To summarize she felt like this birth would be different than our experiences before. It was neat to share spiritual experiences with someone of a different religion and we could feel the Spirit when she told us her impression.
Jen was having mild contractions, but they were not regular or strong yet. We continued to try and encourage them and be prayerful about what we were doing. It was a good time for Jen and I to feel close and also feel the Spirit strongly. I shared my impressions and Jen had the same feelings that I did. The midwife came over twice but the contractions were not going anywhere and we were starting to cross into the window where infection was a possibility (we had to be especially careful because it was a VBAC).
Our midwife Cathy and her assistant Connie were so patient with us through the whole thing (if someone needs a midwife in the area just let us know - we would definitely recommend her) and it just emphasized we had picked the right midwife and we were doing the right thing. She tried many things like acupressure, herbs, and other techniques to try and encourage labor to really get going. We finally decided that we needed to go to LBJ hospital for some Petocin (for those of you that don't know they can use Petocin to induce labor and Jen felt she just needed a little something to help - LBJ was the only hospital in the area that would attempt induction on a VBAC in the region). Cathy and Connie inspected Jen one last time to make sure more hadn't happened than we thought. After being checked the contractions suddenly picked up on the way but not enough to be concerned about (no increase in intensity) and we got in the van to head to the hospital. We had tried everything we could to do things when on the way to hospital Jen's contractions suddenly started regularly and building in intensity (see the Zion's Camp feeling above). We called the midwife because we were only midway and we preferred the home birth and we all decided to head back home. We got home and did some walking and as we did the contractions continued and picked up some more. Once they seemed to get frequent and strong enough we called back the midwife.
Jen labored for several more hours but Jen's contractions had one last problem: they weren't getting long enough even though they were very intense. She had only dilated half way and she was still thick but she had an strong urge to push. Because of the everything internally she couldn't push because her body wasn't ready to have the baby. Cathy checked her several times and began to get concerned that there was something wrong. We decided to head back to LBJ and our great midwifes drove us all the way there and talked to the doctor to let her know what was going on. Jen was admitted and the head doctor approved trying the Petocin (she had dilated to 7 on the trip to the hospital). It worked and soon afterward Jen was able to deliver Charlie into this world.
Charlie had a small grunt (a small breathing abnormality where they take a shark intake of breath that sounds like a grunt) but was completely healthy besides that. Everything appeared to be great with Jen (she had only torn some) and I began to let everyone know. That is where the last part of our adventure began. We had already had a very spiritual experience up to this point and it seemed like we had been able to accomplish our dream, but for me it was on this last part that we truly saw the "hand of the Lord." I won't reveal exactly what happened but Jen more than likely would have died if we were not at the hospital. Once Jen feels better she will fill in people on exactly what happened.
Thankfully Jen and Charlie have returned home and are now on the mend. The recovery will be long (at least for Jen), but we have been constantly supported through this by our family, friends, neighbors, and fellow church members. I cannot say enough about the people who have helped us. They are truly great!
I wanted to share some of the things I learned/reaffirmed through this experience:
1) Trust the feelings you have from the Spirit - they will never lead you astray. If you have a strong feeling about something just trust because you will see it fulfilled
2) The Lord fulfills all his promises but not always the way you expected, but they are always the path that will lead you to grow the most ("Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end")
3) The Power of Priesthood is a wondrous thing! I am so glad that we have it in our house.
4) PRAYER IS AWESOME! Through the latter part of our experience I can honestly say I felt like it was the prayers of other people that upheld me when I thought I could not go on.
5) Ask for help - the Lord provides people to help you when you need it. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it (Jen and I don't like to ask for help).
6) Hymns have an awesome calming power in even the most difficult of situations. The hymn above had a great calming effect for us during the labor
7) Fasting works!
8) It is by suffering that we can sometimes grow closer to the Lord than at any other time in our life. When we learn to depend entirely on the Lord we find his reassuring arm there to uphold and strengthen us (second time in the last few years that I have had this feeling)
9) We can't do it alone - we honestly and completely need our Heavenly Father
10) The Relief Society is a great thing, especially when the Relief Society is not just made up of other church members but also great friends.
11) Kids are amazing sensitive to the Spirit
Be Still My Soul
The Lord is on Thy Side
With Patience bear thy cross of grief and pain
Leave to your God to Order and Provide
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain
Be still my soul: Thy best, thy Heavnly friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end
This was kind of unusual because I didn't really know the words to the song because I had only sung it a few times, but I recognized the tune and the first few words, but it just kept replaying in my mind. I also had a vision from the church video Zion's camp where the members of Zion's Camp just heard that the Missouri mob was going to cross the river soon and slaughter the whole group. All of people in Zion's Camp were ready to fight, but then the prophet turns around and sees clouds suddenly gathering on the horizon and he declares something like, "Be still and see the hand of the Lord." For those of you who know a huge storm suddenly appears causing the river to flood and protecting the members of Zion's Camp from the oncoming mob. So I had this last part going through my head which made me feel two things: be patient (they only saw the storm at the last moment) and we would "see the hand of the Lord" in all of this.
So after the blessing we contacted the midwife to inform her what might be happening. When Cathy arrived she told us she had suddenly woke up that night (about 1 am) thinking about Jen and had been praying about her when we called her. She had also been reading in the scriptures and shared with us the impression she had about the birth. To summarize she felt like this birth would be different than our experiences before. It was neat to share spiritual experiences with someone of a different religion and we could feel the Spirit when she told us her impression.
Jen was having mild contractions, but they were not regular or strong yet. We continued to try and encourage them and be prayerful about what we were doing. It was a good time for Jen and I to feel close and also feel the Spirit strongly. I shared my impressions and Jen had the same feelings that I did. The midwife came over twice but the contractions were not going anywhere and we were starting to cross into the window where infection was a possibility (we had to be especially careful because it was a VBAC).
Our midwife Cathy and her assistant Connie were so patient with us through the whole thing (if someone needs a midwife in the area just let us know - we would definitely recommend her) and it just emphasized we had picked the right midwife and we were doing the right thing. She tried many things like acupressure, herbs, and other techniques to try and encourage labor to really get going. We finally decided that we needed to go to LBJ hospital for some Petocin (for those of you that don't know they can use Petocin to induce labor and Jen felt she just needed a little something to help - LBJ was the only hospital in the area that would attempt induction on a VBAC in the region). Cathy and Connie inspected Jen one last time to make sure more hadn't happened than we thought. After being checked the contractions suddenly picked up on the way but not enough to be concerned about (no increase in intensity) and we got in the van to head to the hospital. We had tried everything we could to do things when on the way to hospital Jen's contractions suddenly started regularly and building in intensity (see the Zion's Camp feeling above). We called the midwife because we were only midway and we preferred the home birth and we all decided to head back home. We got home and did some walking and as we did the contractions continued and picked up some more. Once they seemed to get frequent and strong enough we called back the midwife.
Jen labored for several more hours but Jen's contractions had one last problem: they weren't getting long enough even though they were very intense. She had only dilated half way and she was still thick but she had an strong urge to push. Because of the everything internally she couldn't push because her body wasn't ready to have the baby. Cathy checked her several times and began to get concerned that there was something wrong. We decided to head back to LBJ and our great midwifes drove us all the way there and talked to the doctor to let her know what was going on. Jen was admitted and the head doctor approved trying the Petocin (she had dilated to 7 on the trip to the hospital). It worked and soon afterward Jen was able to deliver Charlie into this world.
Charlie had a small grunt (a small breathing abnormality where they take a shark intake of breath that sounds like a grunt) but was completely healthy besides that. Everything appeared to be great with Jen (she had only torn some) and I began to let everyone know. That is where the last part of our adventure began. We had already had a very spiritual experience up to this point and it seemed like we had been able to accomplish our dream, but for me it was on this last part that we truly saw the "hand of the Lord." I won't reveal exactly what happened but Jen more than likely would have died if we were not at the hospital. Once Jen feels better she will fill in people on exactly what happened.
Thankfully Jen and Charlie have returned home and are now on the mend. The recovery will be long (at least for Jen), but we have been constantly supported through this by our family, friends, neighbors, and fellow church members. I cannot say enough about the people who have helped us. They are truly great!
I wanted to share some of the things I learned/reaffirmed through this experience:
1) Trust the feelings you have from the Spirit - they will never lead you astray. If you have a strong feeling about something just trust because you will see it fulfilled
2) The Lord fulfills all his promises but not always the way you expected, but they are always the path that will lead you to grow the most ("Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end")
3) The Power of Priesthood is a wondrous thing! I am so glad that we have it in our house.
4) PRAYER IS AWESOME! Through the latter part of our experience I can honestly say I felt like it was the prayers of other people that upheld me when I thought I could not go on.
5) Ask for help - the Lord provides people to help you when you need it. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it (Jen and I don't like to ask for help).
6) Hymns have an awesome calming power in even the most difficult of situations. The hymn above had a great calming effect for us during the labor
7) Fasting works!
8) It is by suffering that we can sometimes grow closer to the Lord than at any other time in our life. When we learn to depend entirely on the Lord we find his reassuring arm there to uphold and strengthen us (second time in the last few years that I have had this feeling)
9) We can't do it alone - we honestly and completely need our Heavenly Father
10) The Relief Society is a great thing, especially when the Relief Society is not just made up of other church members but also great friends.
11) Kids are amazing sensitive to the Spirit
Monday, May 3, 2010
Bad habits
My stomach is upset feeling. I can't sleep and Will and I are enjoying a little time together. Its amazing how little sleep I can get and still feel ok, but I don't think it will last. I figured I'll use these middle of the night times to journal, so here I got again:
It's nearly 3 AM, William woke us up with a dirty diaper. He has a problem that I have never heard of. Joe taught him two bad habits: to suck his thumb and put his hand down his pants. The thumb sucking is nothing compared to the other. Joe never had any adverse reaction putting his hand down his pants, he was already potty trained when he started doing it. Well with William watching Joe he started doing this earlier and now he has rubbed his private so much that there is a little spot on his penis that is starting to bleed. We have been putting his in onesies as much as possible to try and curb the problem, but tonight he woke up at 2:30 AM poopy and bleeding. He has been complaining about his diaper a lot and that has been why. I wish he knew enough to stop touching and rubbing it so much, but he is only 2 years old. I never thought I would experience a problem like this, and I really know of no other solution than onesies, but they stop making them after the 2 year size, I sure hope he stops doing this. When he first started it was more of a nuisance because he would put his hand down his pants and then his penis would be sticking out over his disposable diaper. Doing this he would often rip a fresh diaper, or pee over the diaper. I got so frustrated that I thought changing to cloth diapers was the answer, so I went out and got cloth diapers. They have helped because he can't get them off and they have more up front so he can't pee over like the disposables. But he was still putting his hand down there. So I put his in onesies as much as possible, but even with certain onesies he still find a way in!
It's nearly 3 AM, William woke us up with a dirty diaper. He has a problem that I have never heard of. Joe taught him two bad habits: to suck his thumb and put his hand down his pants. The thumb sucking is nothing compared to the other. Joe never had any adverse reaction putting his hand down his pants, he was already potty trained when he started doing it. Well with William watching Joe he started doing this earlier and now he has rubbed his private so much that there is a little spot on his penis that is starting to bleed. We have been putting his in onesies as much as possible to try and curb the problem, but tonight he woke up at 2:30 AM poopy and bleeding. He has been complaining about his diaper a lot and that has been why. I wish he knew enough to stop touching and rubbing it so much, but he is only 2 years old. I never thought I would experience a problem like this, and I really know of no other solution than onesies, but they stop making them after the 2 year size, I sure hope he stops doing this. When he first started it was more of a nuisance because he would put his hand down his pants and then his penis would be sticking out over his disposable diaper. Doing this he would often rip a fresh diaper, or pee over the diaper. I got so frustrated that I thought changing to cloth diapers was the answer, so I went out and got cloth diapers. They have helped because he can't get them off and they have more up front so he can't pee over like the disposables. But he was still putting his hand down there. So I put his in onesies as much as possible, but even with certain onesies he still find a way in!
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Middle of the night
Its 11:15, pretty late... but I have been up later, the other day is was 3 AM. The last couple of weeks have been hard. I haven't been able to sleep much because my stomach is tight and I get really hot because I need a pillow for my head and a body pillow for support. I get funny cramp feelings, and funny stomach indigestion feelings. I say funny because I really don't know how to describe them. I am due on Tuesday: May 4th. A lot of people are surprised that I haven't had the baby yet, but I am ok waiting. I could wait another couple months if I knew it would give me the outcome that I want, which is a natural birth. I am hoping and praying to avoid another c-section. I am starting to get anxious though, because of my family. We are all in limbo waiting. Homeschooling has been put on hold, Chris is between projects at work, we are all just waiting. I don't have a lot of energy so I haven't been able to do much school with the kids. Chris doesn't want to start anything new at work because he'll be taking time off once the baby comes to help me recover. So we are just so much in limbo, I don't mind waiting if it were just me being effected, but its hard to see the people I love being effected--especially the kids. They do so much better when we have structured school going on. I know once the baby is born it won't be too long and we'll be back in the swing of things. And the beauty about homeschooling is that it can work around my schedule. After the baby comes and I recover--then its back to school! But it all hinges on the baby! The midwife reminded us today that its on the Lord's time and the Lord is never late! She is so right, the Lord is never late. So we all just need to have patience. But again, its the hardest for me to see the kids, they don't understand like Chris and I do.
The good news is that I feel really good about our future homeschooling once the baby comes and we begin getting back to normal. I have spent a lot of time trying to find my niche with schooling and what feels right, makes sense and fits my lifestyle. I have been given amazing inspiration that I know must come from the Holy Spirit because I feel excited, and peaceful. I can see the road ahead and its looks great! The idea that I got may sound really simple, but like I said its perfect for me. The idea is a step by step process, taking a step forward or adding a step when I can and taking a step back or taking a step out when I need to. In my case there are 5 steps suited to the many different areas that I want to teach my children. Here is a rundown of each step:
1. Morning routine: pray, dress, clean room, read scriptures and so on...
2. Meals: meal prep (prep something for a future meal, like make bread or grind flour), meals and kitchen clean up so on...
3. Spanish and Preschool: teaching all the children, but focusing on the younger, preschool level
4. School: focusing on the older children, younger children can participate or go and play
5. Chores and free time: do what I call a "clean sweep" going room by room and tidying up as needed, no deep cleaning just picking things up, then free time where the kids can do what they want and I can do what I want... hopefully :-)
What step we are on may become an indication of how we are doing. Right now we are working mainly on step 1, so you could say that our house right now is functioning on a level 1, considering there are 5 levels... so yeah, we are pretty much in survival mode, just focusing on enduring to the end. I don't have the energy to be making a lot from scratch so the meal prep of step 2 isn't geting done, although Chris and Sam helped me can pinto beans over the weekend. And the other steps are on hold for now, I haven't been getting really good sleep so especially for the last week I have been mostly laying around during the day catching up on my lack of sleep. The kids for the most part have been eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly, apples and bananas--not a terrible diet, it could be worse, they don't complain. And 2 days last week they spent watching Charlie Brown cartoons that I downloaded off of youtube. I have been trying to walk as much as I can so that I don't get too stiff. I can keep waiting, but I sure wouldn't mind at all going into labor!
The good news is that I feel really good about our future homeschooling once the baby comes and we begin getting back to normal. I have spent a lot of time trying to find my niche with schooling and what feels right, makes sense and fits my lifestyle. I have been given amazing inspiration that I know must come from the Holy Spirit because I feel excited, and peaceful. I can see the road ahead and its looks great! The idea that I got may sound really simple, but like I said its perfect for me. The idea is a step by step process, taking a step forward or adding a step when I can and taking a step back or taking a step out when I need to. In my case there are 5 steps suited to the many different areas that I want to teach my children. Here is a rundown of each step:
1. Morning routine: pray, dress, clean room, read scriptures and so on...
2. Meals: meal prep (prep something for a future meal, like make bread or grind flour), meals and kitchen clean up so on...
3. Spanish and Preschool: teaching all the children, but focusing on the younger, preschool level
4. School: focusing on the older children, younger children can participate or go and play
5. Chores and free time: do what I call a "clean sweep" going room by room and tidying up as needed, no deep cleaning just picking things up, then free time where the kids can do what they want and I can do what I want... hopefully :-)
What step we are on may become an indication of how we are doing. Right now we are working mainly on step 1, so you could say that our house right now is functioning on a level 1, considering there are 5 levels... so yeah, we are pretty much in survival mode, just focusing on enduring to the end. I don't have the energy to be making a lot from scratch so the meal prep of step 2 isn't geting done, although Chris and Sam helped me can pinto beans over the weekend. And the other steps are on hold for now, I haven't been getting really good sleep so especially for the last week I have been mostly laying around during the day catching up on my lack of sleep. The kids for the most part have been eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly, apples and bananas--not a terrible diet, it could be worse, they don't complain. And 2 days last week they spent watching Charlie Brown cartoons that I downloaded off of youtube. I have been trying to walk as much as I can so that I don't get too stiff. I can keep waiting, but I sure wouldn't mind at all going into labor!
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